Refuge
by Phoenix Dayze
Summary: Pain was like an addiction to Cloud now. A vibrant, searing proof that he was alive. Still breathing when he should have been dead. Still here, locked away in a vicious reality. He should be dead. He prayed for death. But Zack...Zack wouldn't let him go..
1. Chapter 1

Refuge  
By: Phoenix Dayze and S.J. Kohl

Cloud/Zack  
Rating: R

Author's Notes: Unless scenes of experimentaion squicks you... you should be fine.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor its characters. I am not getting paid for this. This is purely for fun… recalls story …I think. 

"So, Cloud, how're you feeling today, friend?" Zack murmured, cradling Cloud's head in his lap. He'd been like this for a while now, nearly comatose in his unresponsiveness. Zack frowned, his brows furrowing together in worry. Cloud was pale and drawn, his face lined with pain and his eyes dazed and empty. What if he never got any better? 

Zack's eyes narrowed and hardened. Then he would take care of him, damn it! Cloud was his friend, and you didn't fail your friends. Looking down into those tortured blue eyes, Zack ran his hand across that chilled skin and smoothed the lank blond hair from Cloud's face. "Don't worry, Cloud. It's all going to be all right."

Pain was like an addiction now. A rich, vibrant, searing proof that he was alive. Still breathing when he should have been dead. He swallowed harshly around his parched throat and blinked slowly. The faded shards of his surroundings bled back into his vision. Still here. Still locked away in a vicious reality. He should be dead. He prayed for death. But Zack... unfailing, devoted Zack... he wouldn't let him go.

He felt a flush on his skin as a chill racked his body. Trying to inhale, he turned his feverish eyes towards the man sitting nearby. "Zack?" He whispered.

"I'm here, Cloud," Zack murmured, painstakingly cradling Cloud's body and pulling him tightly up against him. Wrapping his arms tightly around the smaller man, Zack tried to will the warmth of his skin into Cloud's chill-wracked form. "I'm here."

"Zack?" Cloud could just barely make out the blurred edges of warmth, which he assumed must be contributed to Zack's flesh that appeared to be pressed to his. "Please, Zack..." It was no more than a ghosted plea, but he wanted nothing more than to leave this cursed place, even so far as death.

Zack sighed. He knew what Cloud wanted. And he would do almost anything for Cloud. Almost. But this was the one thing he was not willing to do. Softly, he ran his fingers across his young friend's cheek in a gentle caress. "No, Cloud. I won't let you go. I can't let you die, my friend." He took a deep breath, and then he said something he was not at all sure of. "We'll get out of here, Cloud. The pain will stop. Soon." 

And since Cloud was more or less awake--or, more accurately, aware--there was one more thing Zack could do for him. They shared a link through the Jenova cells implanted within both of them, and that link allowed Zack to follow paths that would normally have been barred to him. Running his fingers over Cloud's face to press his hand flat against the younger man's forehead, Zack closed his eyes.

And entered the surface of Cloud's mind. He didn't intrude, didn't try to sift through any of those memories, he just called out to Cloud's pain and gathered it to himself. And he shared it, took it into himself so that he could take half the burden from Cloud. At least for a little while. Zack hissed and let out a soft moan as pain flooded his senses, searing his mind and body alike. And unbidden the thought crossed his mind, And this is only half of it...No wonder he wants to die. Opening his eyes, he looked down to see some of the pain lines on that too young face slacken and fade. For the moment. "Better?"

Cloud let out a heavy breath. He could feel Zack on the edges of his mind, feel his strong aura gleaming against the darkness of the hated void his mind had become. Could feel the knowing hands of Zack's inner self sifting through the threads, calling out for the agony that plagued him. 

The pain lessened. Cloud nearly found the strength for a ghost of a smile, so great was his relief for any levity. He was dimly aware of Zack's moan of pain. His pain. He peered at Zack through clouded eyes as Zack withdrew and focused back on the outer world. "Better?" He could hear the fatigue in his friend's voice and he knew it was his fault. Zack always cared for him, he should at least find the strength to answer him. Licking his lips he searched again for his voice. "Enough." He rasped. "But you shouldn't... One of us needs to be strong... Just in case..." 

"No one's going to come back, Cloud, not for a while, at least." He licked his lips and stifled a grunt at a particularly sharp stab of pain. Cloud didn't need to know how much this hurt. The boy took too much guilt on himself as it was. "But if someone does come in, just be prepared to have this all thrown back at you all at once. For now, just try to stay awake. You know I can't share pain while you're unconscious."

Cloud nodded weakly. He tried not to let on just how much those prospects terrified him. He wanted to be a SOLDIER. SOLDIERs were not afraid. Zack was not afraid. He was strong. He was smart. He was... Zack.

Cloud was silent for a while, then, after a few minutes had passed, he found himself able to speak with less strain. He knew it was because the other man was still absorbing some of his pain into himself and he could tell that he was getting worn down by it. "Zack?" He moved a shaky hand to brush against Zack's arm. "You don't have to keep holding it back." He said lowly. "Just let it go. I can handle it."

Zack smiled softly as the feathery, chill touch of those fingers sent a tingle of pleasure coursing through his veins. "I know you can, Cloud. You're strong. But you don't have to do this alone, not while I'm here. I can't keep the bastards away from you, and I can't get you out of here, so at least let me do this much." He blinked furiously to hold back the tears that threatened to fall. "Please, Cloud."

"Alright." Cloud agreed hesitantly. "But will you do something for me?" He took a few short gasps, struggling for air. "Touch me. I feel so alone in here." Cloud's voice trembled. "Like nothing is real except for what's in my head." He coughed, his chest spasming in pain and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. "The fear may be easier to control than the pain."

Zack's breath caught in his throat. He wasn't strong enough for this. He wanted...well, what he wanted was not what Cloud needed right now. Or could handle, in as much pain as he was. But Zack nodded anyway. He would have to be strong enough to hold back, because Clouded needed this, needed him. Cloud had asked for something from him, and that was a treasure the young man rarely granted to anyone. Sparing a glance around their dimly lit cell--bare stone walls, reinforced steel door with its miniscule window, rough floor pallets, and rudimentary slop bucket--as if to make sure they were truly alone, Zack nodded.

He didn't pull his left hand up from Cloud's forehead, needing the contact of flesh to flesh to maintain the mental connection, he simply slid that hand along his tormented companion's pale flesh, caressing him, melding their flesh together with the warmth of his skin. Holding Cloud tighter against him with his right arm, Zack allowed his left to travel where it would--tracing the alabaster column of Cloud's throat, exploring the contours of his bared chest and the muscle definition of his arms and shoulders, traveling down to ghost just beneath the waistband of the thin cotton trousers that were his only covering. Zack's senses were overwhelmed by the sheer wonder of what he was doing, and he allowed a whisper of that pleasure to coil along the link between them. If he could give Cloud but a moment of joy in this hellish place...

Cloud shivered as he tried to relax. Zack's touch was so close, so personal that Cloud's eyes burned with unsung tears. He needed to feel, needed that affirmation that life still existed, that he wasn't lost in darkness. He needed to know he wasn't alone. And most of all, he needed something to make him want to live.

A warm tendril of arousal curled around his consciousness and a momentary surprise flooded through him as he realized that it was Zack's. Zack is turned on by this. It wasn't as stunning a revelation as it should have been. Zack wants me. His mind flashed back to random pieces of what they'd been through. Zack loves me. Cloud smiled softly in the dark room. He reached down and stilled Zack's hand, which was questing dangerously near certain untouched regions. "Zack, no." His chest seized up in another fit of coughing. When it had passed he said. "I can't give you anything in return. Not right now."

"Shh." Zack whispered, twining his fingers around Cloud's long, cool digits, their hands resting just beneath Cloud's prominent hipbone. He leant down and placed a gentle kiss to the corner of one exhausted blue eye, where a salt-seared tear was threatening to escape its fringed bonds. "I know. And I don't need anything, Cloud. Just to hold you." He allowed more of himself, more of his emotions and his sensations to slip through Jenova's bond, seeking to fade out Cloud's fear and pain and sorrow as well as he could.

Zack's love poured through, clean and strong, his protectiveness, his desire... it was all there, a clear vision of pure light cutting through the damnable darkness of Cloud's soul. The unbidden tears found their birth and streamed down his pale cheeks. Hope crawled out of the corner of his beliefs, no longer cowering in dejection as it had been the last few years. But it seemed out of place amidst a seemingly endless nightmare.

Sympathy and grief flooding his mind and his eyes, Zack slid his hand back up Cloud's body, ignoring the weariness that was beginning its assault against his tired body. This link he held between them wasn't natural; it was possible only through the presence of alien matter in their tissue, and, even apart from the effort involved in taking Cloud's pain upon himself, keeping any kind of contact between him and Cloud took a lot of Zack's energy. His energy, because he wouldn't allow Cloud to share in the price of the connection. Cloud had nothing to spare, after all.

"We'll get out of this nightmare one day, Cloud. I promise you that." Cupping Cloud's tear-streaked cheek, Zack took a chance and pressed a kiss against those slightly parted lips.

Something deep within the recesses of Cloud's fractured existence flared to life. A small flame against the emptiness, but warm and true. Cloud's lip quivered as Zack pressed against him and he inhaled a quick breath. This wasn't an area Cloud was experienced in and despite their current circumstances, the pain, and the fatigue, Cloud was afraid. Not afraid of Zack, but of disappointing him, of not knowing what was happening, of not being capable of giving his friend everything he needed. What, he realized with a small thrill, he wanted to give him. Opening his mouth a bit more, he gave Zack the option of taking more, if that was what he wanted.

As Cloud's lips gave way beneath his touch, Zack deepened their kiss, allowing his tongue to slip delicately into his partner's mouth, seeking both to tease Cloud's tongue into a throbbing dance and to ease some of the nervousness that held the body beneath his in thrall. Arousal stiffened Zack's body and enflamed his veins and he reveled in it, gloried in the feelings of life and love that suffused him.

A shriek of metal as the bar that locked their door was lifted out of place. A flood of cold, clinical light as the portal was thrust open. Sending a last surge of support and love--and regret--flying down the link between them, Zack severed the connection. He needed all his strength for this. Looking up, he could see the harsh gleam in the guard's eye as bulked against the door.

The guard sneered and shifted, and Zack felt defeat scoring him with its ragged claws as he saw three more looming behind the one in the door. No doubt there were more behind them as well. Meeting Zack's eyes, the guard muttered. "Your turn."

Zack met the vivid blue eyes in the fragile body in his arms for what could very possibly be the last time. No one was ever really certain they would return from Shinra's experiments. Some didn't, after all. Swallowing his grief, he murmured, "I'll be back soon."

Cloud screamed as Zack's connection dissipated and all the anguish that Zack had been holding at bay sliced through him with monumental force. For a moment he went swirling off into the cosmos of his thoughts before being brought back briefly by Zack's voice. I'll be back soon. Be back? That meant they were taking him. Dragging him away to that horrible room... No. Cloud's mind was adamant. They mustn't take him! Why was this happening? Cloud tried to raise himself up, to attempt to help his friend, who seemed to be going all too willingly, but he was too sick from the experiments to stand. He stretched out his hand towards the retreating figure. "Zack." He whispered. "Zack." The door slammed shut and Cloud was left to the torture of his own making.

tbc...


	2. Chapter 2

Refuge  
By: Phoenix Dayze and S.J. Kohl

Cloud/Zack  
Rating: R

Author's Notes: Unless scenes of experimentaion squicks you... you should be fine.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor its characters. I am not getting paid for this. This is purely for fun… recalls story …I think.

Hours later, Zack stumbled as they shoved him back into the cell he shared with Cloud. He was exhausted. Pain emanated all through his body, and he could feel blood still seeping through the fresh incisions on either temple. His brain felt cloudy, as if an insidious green fog were winding through his thoughts. But Zack blinked and tried to shrug the sensations away as he slid to the ground beside an unconscious Cloud. None of the experiments had ever had much of an effect on him. Not like Cloud.

Shivering, Zack used the last of his energy to reach over and pull his own sleeping pallet atop the two of them. He was so cold, and they didn't have blankets, but at least they could share their beds.

"I'm back," he murmured, pulling himself tight against Cloud. Zack wrapped his arms around his friend's too thin body and lay his head into the crook of Cloud's shoulder. He heaved in deep, shuddering breaths of air, taking in Cloud's familiar and welcome scent. For a long time he lay there, but sleep wouldn't come.

The paths of Cloud's dreams were dark and twisted, filled with all too real terrors and an ever-encroaching fear. Fear that Shinra would find success... Flashes of recent pain and wisps of color wound their way through the density of his subconscious, pieces of Zack's memory that entwined with his as he slept. And in the depth of slumber, Cloud relived those torturous hours Zack had endured, an experience he knew well. He cried out in his sleep and reached out, his arm falling over Zack's rigid back as he continued to dream...

Zack stirred and opened his eyes, Cloud's sleeping distress rousing him from his lethargy. He winced as he rose up on his arms, his abused muscles shrieking in protest, his head throbbing sharply in time with his pulse. "Cloud," he murmured, struggling into a kneeling position and taking that white, drawn face between his gentle hands. "Wake up, Cloud." No response. Swearing inwardly, Zack crouched down until his lips just brushed one pointed ear. "Cloud!" 

Cloud's eyes flew open, wide and disoriented, his breathing coming in ragged gasps. He struggled to sit up, but was held down by the weight of Zack looming over him. His arms flailed out as he tried in vain to push the larger man away. "No! Not again!"

Zack leaned back just a bit to give Cloud some breathing room. He didn't try to catch or even avoid the blows; he just took them. A few bruises were a small price to pay in the interest of maintaining Cloud's safety and sanity. A lesser man than Cloud would already have cracked beneath so much strain. "Cloud, it's me." He said, keeping his voice low and calm, willing his friend to battle through his demons and recognize him. "It's Zack, Cloud. I'm back."

Zack. The name... the voice... they penetrated the deep abyss, calling Cloud to safety, to love...

Cloud's eyes slowly cleared, focusing on the man leaning over him. Zack. He was back. Alive. One more day alive. One more day together. He just stared into the exhausted blue eyes as he calmed, letting Zack guide him back, as he always did.

Once reality had fully returned, Cloud's eyebrows drew together in mild concern. "Did I hurt you?"

Zack forced a grin onto his face. "What could a skinny runt like you possibly do to a big guy like me?" Leaning flat out against Cloud, he tugged the smaller man into a tight embrace. "Seriously, Cloud, I'm fine. Just a couple of bruises."

A flicker of a frown passed over Cloud's features as he unwillingly recalled his childhood. "I'm not a runt." His protest was lost in the heavy heat of Zack's shoulder. A thin hum of interest sparked in Cloud's veins, his subconscious remembering the tender, exploring kiss they'd shared before the guards had shattered their feigned peace. He wanted more, but the reservations... and the inability to move... were still there.

Zack chuckled and leaned back on his elbow. "All right, you win. You're not a runt." Heat began to kindle behind Zack's eyes as he gazed down at Cloud's battered but still beautiful form. The tremulous uncertainty in those eyes beckoned him to sooth it away, and all of a sudden he remembered the softness of Cloud's lips beneath his, the welcoming warmth of his mouth. Zack licked his lips. This was new. He'd loved Cloud, had wanted Cloud, for so long that it still seemed a dream vision, a fragile thing that would shatter at the blink of an eye.

Taking a deep breath, he stared into Cloud's eyes, feeling naked beneath that blue gaze, and once more touched his lips to Cloud's. A gentle kiss, a bare brush of flesh against flesh. A kiss that held the depth of his emotions in its ethereal grasp.

Cloud exhaled against Zack's mouth, raising his head slightly to enhance the contact. It was sweet and simple, free of all the troubles of their past. It just was, and Cloud didn't know why he'd never noticed Zack before. But then, he'd been a child when they were brought here and since then, this place had been a drain on their existence, sucking their hearts away with its cruelty.

He moved his fingers against Zack's arms, a bare feathering of a motion. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was all he could manage. Zack was comfortably solid and real above him, his mouth a searing pressure that lifted his spirit away from the edge.

Suddenly, Cloud's body was filled with a slicing pain. Pushing back from Zack, he cried out, his eyes shut tightly against the pain. His fingers clenched as he trembled with the force of the spasms.

When he heard Cloud's agonized moan, Zack didn't even stop to think. Rising to his knees, he gathered Cloud's rigid, shuddering form in his arms and stood up. Even in as much pain and as exhausted as he was, Zack shouldered his precious burden with ease--Cloud seemed to weigh next to nothing. Quickly, he covered the few steps to the back wall of the cell, settling them in the room's darkest corner, his legs crossed, Cloud cradled on his lap and back against his chest.

Brushing the boy's hair from his white, sweat and tear-streaked face, Zack whispered words of near helpless comfort and closed his eyes, once more opening the link between them. Zack moaned low in his throat as fatigue and effort nearly overwhelmed him and gritted his teeth against the dizziness and nausea. Wincing as the throbbing in his head increased tenfold, Zack called as much of Cloud's pain to him as he could safely handle at the moment. It wasn't much, but maybe...maybe it would be enough.

The world was black and swirling and all Cloud knew was pain, and more pain. And then Zack was there, a thin, shiny thread running through his mind, casting his glow against his suffering. He could feel him gathering it, calling it to himself as he'd done before and Cloud wanted to tell him to stop, to tell him it was too much, but he couldn't speak, could only focus on not falling unconscious.

The cell door clanged open once more and the guards entered. They peered down at the two huddled men with malicious intent. "Come along, blondie." The foreman growled. "Time for your special day."

Cloud could feel the terror rising up within him, giving fire to the pain, to the madness. Don't let them take me. He inwardly cried. But he knew that there was nothing that Zack could do.

Zack's glare as he looked up at the guards was implacable. His voice was quiet, deadly. "You can't take him. He's too fragile. You'll kill him for sure if you take him today." Pulling Cloud more snugly up against him, he began to feed all Cloud's pain back to him in increments, not daring to cast it all back at once, not this time.

A derisive sneer plastered on his face, the guard, followed by two others, swaggered into the room, a metal nightstick gripped in his fist. "Let him go, Spiky. You've had your turn."

Zack just shook his head and held on all the more tightly to his precious burden. They would take him; he knew that. But he refused to let go nonetheless. He watched for the telltale signs of attack as the guard carefully stepped closer--the clench of the fist, the shifting of the nightstick. Zack rolled, taking Cloud with him, just as the guard lashed out with a strike that would have knocked him unconscious. Snarling, he leaped to his feet, planting one on either side of Cloud's prone body, and launched himself at the guard.

Even beaten, bruised, and floundering with exhaustion, he was a better fighter than this brute would ever be, and he managed to wrest the guard's weapon from his grasp, bashing the bastard in the head and then turning to defend himself and his charge from the rest of them. But there were too many of them. He took out three, four, six of them, and still they kept piling into the small cell, each of them getting in his own blows and wearing Zack down just a little bit more.

In the end, they took Cloud from him, as he'd known they would. And it was all he could do to scream his friend's name one more time before he cascaded down into the blackness of unconsciousness, dimly wondering if Cloud would return alive this time. 

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Refuge  
By: Phoenix Dayze and S.J. Kohl

Cloud/Zack  
Rating: R

Author's Notes: Unless scenes of experimentaion squicks you... you should be fine.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor its characters. I am not getting paid for this. This is purely for fun… recalls story …I think.

The room was bright, harsh, a familiar ache in his eyes. Cloud wanted to struggle, but the years of experiments had rendered him unable to do much other than let them have their way. But something was different today. There was an odd smell on the air, a whispering of hushed voices, an unmistakable reverence. Cloud concentrated on breathing.

Men approached the table where he lay, his arms and legs restrained by leather straps, white masks around their faces. "Get ready for the big one, blondie." Came a hard voice. He was wielding a large injection gun full of a colored substance Cloud couldn't recall ever having seen before. Fear rippled through him. Not again. Not something new...

The large needle punctured his temple and fire exploded in his veins as the alien fluid entered his body. A heavy, vibrant agony descended on him. He was dimly aware of a second man with another gun. Hold him down. He heard. I need him still. Several pairs of hands forced his pain-wracked body down onto the table. His whimpered cries went unnoticed as he shook against the hands. The second needle slid down into his heart. Time stood still. Cloud's blue eyes met those of his tormentor. "No." He whispered. The man released the serum. And Cloud began to scream...

Zack groaned as consciousness descended mercilessly upon him. He couldn't move, could barely even think through the pain that enveloped him. Bone bruises, muscle strains, a definite concussion, cracked and broken ribs that made breathing a fiery strain on his lungs. Black eyes, broken nose, split lip, possible internal bleeding. Zack bit back a whimper and winced as his teeth cut into the tender skin of his bottom lip. A high price to pay, but it was worth it even to keep Cloud out of their hands for just a few more seconds.

"Cloud!" he cried out, his voice hoarse and harsh. No answer. Cloud was still with them. Would he come back to Zack this time?

The pain was gone. Cloud had been assaulted with one last spasm of pain, one so strong he thought he would die. Maybe he did, because the spasms faded and then it all ceased to exist…

Cloud hit the cell floor with a thump, his unconscious form scraping against the stones, but he didn't move. He just lay there, still and silent…

Zack jumped as Cloud's limp body hit the floor beside him, practically on top of him. He hadn't even noticed the door opening. His muscles screaming in protest at even the slightest movement, Zack shifted both of them until they were lying on their sides, his chest pressed up against Cloud's bare back, his knees resting against the back of Cloud's. Human contact, Zack knew from long experience, was the only thing that stood half a chance of keeping Cloud warm and grounded after Shinra's men took him for their brutal manipulations. And sometimes, most times, even that wasn't enough. For now, Cloud was still deeply unconscious and Zack couldn't hold on anymore. His hand pressed against Cloud's faintly beating heart, Zack let the darkness take him.

Cloud awoke to Zack breathing his slumber against his shoulder. He felt empty, drained, hollow of everything that had happened. Almost as if they had removed thee motional stigma attached to his memories and now he simply… was- and nothing more. He shifted, rolling away from Zack and sitting up. He stopped, realization hitting him like a truck. He could move! And he was pain free! That's what the hollow feeling was- the absence of long endured pain. Cloud laughed out loud. He didn't know what had happened, but he was grateful.

Zack stirred at the sudden absence of the sleeping warmth beside him. Cloud was gone… Cloud was- Zack's eyes snapped open and he shot into a sitting position, barely acknowledging the pain that shot through him. "Cloud!"

Cloud smiled at his friend. "Morning, it seems, has been kind." He said lowly. "Are you okay?" His eyes darkened. "Yesterday… did I hurt you?"

Zack's head began to beat a more normal rhythm as he noticed Cloud sitting- sitting?- just in front of him. Cloud was able to move and talk and… his eyes were clear! Zack sent a brief prayer of thanks to whatever spirits had brought this about. He licked his lips and grinned. Nothing could bring him more joy than did the sight of those bright, pain-free blue eyes. "It wasn't you, Cloud. It was them."

Moving closer to sit next to the other man, Cloud put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Thanks." He whispered. "for what you did… You're a good friend." he brought a hand up to travel down the length of Zack's face. "Not just a friend." He breathed. He maneuvered himself until he was straddling Zack's knees, then he grasped the man's head between his hands and leaned down and kissed him. Hard.

Zack groaned and brought his hands up behind Cloud's shoulders, digging in reflexively. He relished the biting throb as Cloud pressed savagely into his split and swollen lips, and then he opened his mouth, allowing Cloud complete access and complete control. Arousal flooded his veins with a sweet inferno as Cloud's tongue danced through his mouth with hot demand and he arched up, agony lancing through his back as his hips lifted to meet Cloud.

Cloud smiled around Zack's mouth and let his hands travel down to settle between his own legs where he could feel Zack's hardening length pressing almost desperately against him. He held his left hand against Zack's stomach as his right maneuvered its way inside the thin cotton pants. Wrapping his long fingers around Zack's arousal, he squeezed it gently.

Zack's breath hitched in his throat and his nails screamed into the flesh of Cloud's shoulders. That touch… it was like nothing he'd ever felt before. It'd been so long, so very long since anyone had been this close to him, and this was Cloud. Cloud's hands, Cloud's mouth. Zack moaned and sucked Cloud's tongue further into his mouth, mingling their tastes, trying to feel all of him.

Suddenly, Cloud stilled. He exhaled a few shaky gasps as he blinked dazedly at Zack. Then, his hands slowly traveled to the sides of his head. His fingers pressed into the temples as his pulse quickened, his breaths coming faster and faster. Pain so intense that, had he been normal, he would have passed out, flared through him. A cry rose up within him as he held his head. He fell back off Zack, hitting the floor, still clutching his head tightly. Short, broken screams emanated from his mouth and tears streamed from his eyes as he convulsed on the floor.

Immediately, trained to Cloud's pain as he was, Zack's head cleared and he rose up onto his knees. "Cloud?" He whispered brokenly. The pain had been bad before, but nothing that had happened had ever been quite like this. The veins were standing out in dark blue relief all along Cloud's spasming, curled up form. His forehead was knotted with tension and Zack knelt down to meet him.

Cloud shook violently as his screams grew louder. He rolled over onto his knees, rocking so far over that his head nearly touched the floor. Then, as suddenly as it had started, it stopped. Cloud ceased all movement, his slow evening breathing the only sign he still lived.

"Cloud?"

Moving slowly, Cloud rose to a sitting position. His head was down, eyes closed. He didn't say anything. He just breathed. In. Out. In. Out.

Zack was worried. He inched closer, unsure how to help Cloud right now. "Cloud?"

As if in slow motion, Cloud raised his head. And opened his eyes…

Zack choked, trying hard to swallow back the bile that rose in his throat at the thought of what Shinra's latest experiment must have done to Cloud. Those eyes… those weren't Cloud's eyes. Mako green with their slitted reptilian pupils- Zack would have known those eyes anywhere. Sephiroth. So this was what Shinra had been trying and failing to bring out in them all these years. Tears streaked unheeded down Zack's flushed cheeks as he stared down into the Nightmare's eyes on Cloud's face. His Cloud…

Then, Cloud's face smiled. But it wasn't Cloud. It was icy and impersonal. "Zack… it's been awhile."

"Sephiroth." Zack took a deep breath, forcing all his emotions to recede to the back of his mind. Years of SOLDIER training had taught him that. Don't feel. Act. And he needed that training now, needed to push all his fear and love for Cloud to the side because Cloud was no longer here with him. They'd taken him away. Anger chilled his voice. "Why are you here?"

Sephiroth laughed, an action that was both frightening as it came from between Cloud's lips and intriguing. "I have no idea." He replied. "I've been buried for so long, I've forgotten what it's like to be…" he gestured with an arm "…free." He fixed his green eyes on Zack. "Your friend, Cloud, put up a good fight. For someone who begs for death, he didn't seem too keen to relinquish his body."

Zack's eyes hardened. "Death and possession are two different things, General."

"Indeed they are." He agreed. "Which is why I'm glad that Cloud makes such an extraordinary host."

"Well good for you." Zack rolled his eyes. All that SOLDIER training had really come in handy. He just sounded annoyed and maybe slightly grumbly. But maybe he would get some information? Something that might help him get Cloud back. He knew cloud was still in there somewhere. He had to be. Zack shifted. "I don't know why they'd want to… clone… you anyway, Cat eyes. One of you is enough of a pain in the ass."

The Sephiroth eyes narrowed. "Enough chatter." He rose determinedly to his feet, almost seeming to tower over Zack, despite Cloud's shorter stance. A cruel smile curled up the corner of Cloud's mouth. "I need something from you."

Zack regarded the standing figure in carefully concealed amazement. This was completely surreal. This monster stood before him, looking at him from behind Cloud's face, speaking with Cloud's voice, gesturing with Cloud's hands. This was the biggest perversion he'd seen in his life. Zack's eyes narrowed in sardonic disbelief. "So you barge into my prison cell, my home, as it were, and you steal the only bit of sunshine I've seen in the Cetra know how many years and you think I'm gonna give you gifts?"

"No." Sephiroth replied simply. "I think you're just going to let me have what I want."

Zack snorted. "Didn't you ever learn to say 'please', General?"

"Yes. But begging got me nowhere." He approached him slowly. "Now, please, try not to scream"

Just as slowly, Zack rose to his feet and back away warily. Anything 'Sephiroth' wanted from him couldn't be a good thing. All too soon, however, the cold stone wall was pricking the skin of his back. Too bad this room was so damn small. Steeling himself, Zack met that cool, impenetrable gaze. He may not be able to escape, but he could at least put up some resistance.

Sephiroth smiled, cold and knowing, as he closed in on Zack. "I think you ought to be aware," he supplied matter-of-factly, "that anything you do to me, hurts Cloud." His gaze was hard and cruel, an alien expression on Cloud's pale face. "So you might want to rethink your resistance."

Impotent fury welled up in Zack's brittle blue eyes. He wanted to rip that self-satisfied sneer off that face. It had no business being there, on Cloud's face. But Sephiroth was right. He couldn't hurt that body. It was so fragile, so broken already, and when Cloud returned, so would the pain and the sickness, Zack was sure of it. Anything he did to Sephiroth now, could kill Cloud later. Zack growled a vehement denial. There had to be some way to get rid of this bastard.

'Cloud's' hands wrapped around Zack's face with an intent that was clearly not his own. "Now," the icy voice demanded, "give me your strength." He opened the link between them, using Jenova to delve into Zack's mind. He sought out every vestige of strength he could find and unraveled it from Zack's core, feeding it through the link and into himself. And as his powers returned, the drain became faster and more potent. The Sephiroth-Cloud tilted his head back, his reptilian eyes glazing in rapt pleasure as the young SOLDIER's essence coursed through his inner being, filling him with all the hopes and desires, dreams and youth, everything that gave Zack the will, the power, to live. He pulled from it all, and he grew stronger.

Zack screamed, an unending shriek that bounced and echoed across the chamber's cruel, unfeeling walls. His body, his mind, his spirit- they were contracting in on themselves, shrinking as they were absorbed, usurped from within. His limbs were heavy and weak; he couldn't breathe, and his heart… didn't feel like it was beating at all. Even as he began to fade, Zack's scream went on, an unbroken, agonized lament of failure and recrimination. His vision was fading in and out, and though he tried to pull away, there was no strength, no power left in his muscles, and even his thoughts were no longer his own, save one. One thought that held nothing of strength and will, only grief and despair. As his body fell limply into Sephiroth-Cloud's arms, he repeated it to himself as a litany, the only vestige of himself that remained to him. I have failed.

'Cloud's' head snapped up, a strange light emanating from the Mako-green eyes. Zack's strength was like a beautiful fire in his veins, bringing with it a vibrant courage and fierce determination born of Zack's unique persona. He locked their gazes together, staring into Zack's fading blue eyes.

The venomous green of those eyes consumed Zack's traitorous vision, infusing his body with the remnants of rage, which were in turn consumed by Sephiroth's greed. The link burned within him, a slim beam of boiling light by which he focused his mantra. I have failed. His spirit whispered. I have failed… Cloud. That name… its speaking stirred a fluttering of anger and hatred and protective wrath so deeply ingrained within Zack's soul that no dark power, no matter how strong, could reach it. He couldn't move, couldn't speak, could hardly think, but within the last shreds of his shriveled and wasted mind, Zack reached deep inside himself, and with his hatred he twisted the shining coil of Jenova's link and he sent all that rage coursing into Sephiroth-Cloud's body in a violent red blaze of inner flame just as his mind and body shut down completely, bereft of everything he had to give.

Sephiroth screamed as the red hot bolt of hate raced through the mangled link and exploded within him, sparking a glimmer of awareness in the soul he was keeping at bay. Cloud resurfaced, a thin layer of fog in the Sephiroth consciousness that had taken over his brain. He could feel him there, could hear him screaming with his voice. He felt as if he were in a vice, but he focused his tiny shred of awareness and peered through Sephiroth's presence and out his eyes. Through the unnaturally slitted vision he could barely make out a fuzzy outline. Zack! Cloud's soul cried out. Zack was dying, was being destroyed by the evil that had possessed him. He could feel Zack's anger thrumming throughout his mind. He gathered it, pulling it to him, using his own anger and desperation to fuel it, to corrupt it with everything he could manage to salvage from his fragmented psyche. Then, he pushed with all his might. Pushed the twisted ball of his and Zack's combined emotions into Sephiroth's alien presence. Pain exploded within him and he cried out in anguish. He felt as if his mind were splitting in two. He felt his mind flicker in and out, then it went black.

A moment later, he was fading back in. He could see Zack before him, drifting, as if in slow motion, to the floor. No. He could feel the darkness trying to claim him, feel the pain descending on him like a tidal wave. No! He reached deep inside himself, gathering the remaining consciousness, the tiny coil of life still blooming within him, and sent it spiraling down the blackened and desecrated link. The link snapped. Agonizing pain claimed Cloud as he was thrown backwards and he fell into darkness. 

tbc...


	4. Chapter 4

Refuge  
By: Phoenix Dayze and S.J. Kohl

Cloud/Zack  
Rating: R

Author's Notes: Unless scenes of experimentaion squicks you... you should be fine.

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy, nor its characters. I am not getting paid for this. This is purely for fun… recalls story …I think.

Zack lay bathed in a void of barren darkness, bereft of everything that made him who he was. He had no identity, no purpose. No life. Still, he could feel his limp, heavy body as a manacle. Keeping him chained to the earth below. But that too was beginning to fade, the chain's links rusting and cracking slowly, inexorably, and he knew he was slipping away. No! He needed to stay, needed… what?

He didn't know. The weakest link snapped, severing all connection to the world of life, and the stillness of the void grew sharp, hungry. Zack faded, his spirit dispersing to become a whisper in the Life stream.

And then, a single, pulsing beat rippled through the void. A breath of air. Of life. It wasn't much, but it was enough to keep him drifting in the void between life and death, enough to give him back his identity, his name. Zack. Over time, he nursed the thin trickle of life that coiled through his mortal body, and as it grew, pieces of himself flickered through the void. Anger, fear. Bright blue eyes. Pain. And something else… there was something…

Cloud. With the name came a rushing torrent of strength and determination. And life. It surged through his mortal body and up the link to this place, repairing and rebuilding that which had been broken, bringing light into this place of darkness. And then the darkness was gone.

A cold, dirty light was glaring down upon him. Zack blinked. The ceiling. He was back in his cell. Zack groaned, closing his eyes against the glare of the dim light. Pain, exhaustion, emptiness- they assaulted him, overwhelming him after so long in the empty peace of death. He swallowed thickly, his throat dry and raw. Where was… Cloud?!

With a wrenching effort, Zack dragged his protesting body into a sitting position and looked around the cell. Cloud lay in a crumpled heap just inches away. Zack's arms were heavy and limp as he reached out, but he managed to pull the smaller man toward him, cradling his head in his lap. "Cloud?" He whispered brokenly. He placed his hand against those slack lips. Cloud was breathing, his shallow breaths few and far between. Zack just sat there hour after hour, tenderly caressing that beloved face and whispering Cloud's name again and again.

Cloud was floating. His body abandoned. He was dead. So why was he still here, trapped in this cursed cell? And then he felt it. Sephiroth. Somewhere, deep in the core of his being, the alien matter still thrived and it was keeping him attached to his body even though he was no longer in it. Whatever Shinra's scientists had done had merged them too closely. They were connected, which meant that somewhere deep inside himself, he was still alive. He could find a way to return. Only, he didn't want to. The pain and suffering he would have to endure upon awakening would overwhelm him. Zack was wrong. It would never end, and Cloud had no desire to go back to a life of never-ending pain. 

Zack. The name coursed through him like a warm breeze. How could he leave him alone in this terrible place? But he couldn't go back. Being locked away… The brutal experiments… What if Sephiroth returned? What if they were all destroyed by his hatred and malice? It was too big a risk. And it was too much for him to bear. Zack would have to understand.

As if waiting for him to make a choice, a great pain washed over him in ripples. His spirit was being rent from his body, his lifeline severed, perhaps to final death, perhaps to allow Sephiroth to revive to complete control. Whatever was to happen, Cloud felt his mortal body seize up, his breathing cease, his heartbeat flutter to a stop. He was being crushed. Squeezed out of existence. He would return to the Life stream and it would be over at last. Cloud closed his eyes and welcomed the brutal force that would finally end his suffering.

"Cloud!" Zack screamed, heedless of the pain that ripped through his torn and swollen throat. His hands clenched and grasped at the too still body in his arms. "Don't you die on me!"

Pressing a frantic, desperate kiss to Cloud's cold, unresponsive lips, Zack reached inside him and fumbled for the ever-present link between them to give Cloud something, anything to hold onto. But it was broken, shriveled and snapped by the anger and the hatred he'd forced into it. "No!" A gut wrenching cry. "You can't die, damn it! I love you, you hear me? I love you, Cloud! So don't die on me!" Scrambling to his knees, Zack lay Cloud's head on the cold stone floor. Blood filled his mouth with its hot salt as he bit clean through his lip, but he didn't notice, didn't care. He pressed his lips to Cloud's, his blood hot and slick between them, and blew his own breath into Cloud's mouth, willing that chest to rise and fall of its own accord.

The Life stream welled up in Cloud's vision. It was so close. It was finally time for him to go. He was drifting his way towards peace. And then, he stopped. Cloud looked around in confusion. What had happened? The Life stream was right there! Why wasn't he moving toward it? He stretched out his incorporeal hand and hit a solid wall. He pounded a fist against the transparent block. "No!" Why couldn't he get through? He punched the wall again. "Let me in!" He cried. "Please!" An aching sadness filled him. He was locked out. Would he never find peace? "Why?" He sobbed. "Why won't you let me in?" The wall shimmered to life, filling with the colors of a distant reflection. Zack crying brokenly over his lifeless form. Zack's words rippled over the image with a hollow, echoey sound. I love you, Cloud.

Cloud clenched his teeth together. Zack had built this wall. Forged it with his love and his desperate pleas. It was strong and Cloud knew that there was not a force in existence that could penetrate it. He would never reach the Life stream. "Damn you, Zack." Cloud whispered. Taking a deep breath, he laid his palm against the image and closed his eyes...

Damn you, Zack. The words were felt, not heard. They drifted and trembled beneath Zack's skin, taking root in the small trickle of Cloud's life that ran through his veins. His eyes welled with tears that he refused to shed. They hurt, those words, more than any physical pain. But at the same time, he understood. He knew why Cloud didn't want to come back. And how could he blame him? All Cloud would find in this world were pain and grief. I'm sorry, Zack whispered, pulling back and running his tongue over his still bleeding lip. Gently, he ran trembling fingers across Cloud's pale, cold cheek. And his resolve shattered. I'll let you go, Cloud. If it's what you want, I'll let you go.

Cloud sighed with relief as the tension, the despair ebbed away. The wall began to crack around him, splintering into hundreds of tiny fragments as Zack slowly let him go. Shining shards of Zack's love rained down around him as he willed himself toward the Life stream. A broken fragment knocked against him, slicing into his arm, and Cloud grabbed the wound as the most intense agony he'd ever experienced bore down over him. Zack's pain had been bottled in the fragment, and now he could feel what Zack was feeling. The hopelessness, the despair, the horrific sadness, it all culminated into a lasting pain that Cloud could not endure. He couldn't leave Zack like that, not with that kind of hurt. Not even for his desperately craved peace. Zack was too important to him to brand with such crippling sorrow. He would have to go back... Cloud swallowed. I'll come back. He whispered. But...I'm afraid...

Me too, Zack breathed, gathering Cloud's limp body in his arms as the dark, faded impression of those words swirled inside him. I'm terrified of the pain you'll be in, that we'll never get out of this hell. I'm afraid he's not gone, Cloud, that he'll come back again. But I do love you, with everything I am.

He felt the tiny sliver of Cloud's life that beat in time with his own heart flare within him, and he focused on it, feeding it with all the strength that had revived in the last hours, kindling it until it burned brightly. Do you see the way home?

Cloud looked behind him. He could just make out a tiny speck of gold in the distance. Yes. With a final, longing look at the Life stream, Cloud put it behind him and willed himself towards the glimmer that was Zack. His fears threatened to consume him as he drew closer and closer to that hated cell. Don't think about it, he told himself. Concentrate on Zack. He's the reason you're going back. He focused his mind on the dark-haired man, his smile, his voice, his now seldom heard laugh. Zack. Zack. Zack...

As the blackness faded out, pain faded in like a volatile crescendo. It grew and grew and grew. He was back inside his body, but he was just a disjointed spirit haunting a lifeless husk. He slowly began to try and mesh his spiritual and physical beings back together. It hurt. An unnatural, aching agony. And his strength was failing. Zack... he sent out. I can't...I need...help me.

I'm here, Cloud. Just relax. Shifting Cloud in his arms, Zack leaned down and met those lips in a searing kiss that held all his love, all his hopes and fears and insecurities. With a kiss that embodied everything he was, Zack once more breathed his own life into Cloud's dead flesh.

A cool, fiery tingle slithered over Cloud's consciousness. A soft, gentle pressure cut through the pain and Cloud relaxed into it, allowing it to possess him, consume him. It grew stronger and hotter, and Cloud was carried away on its current.

Cloud opened his eyes. They were bright blue and completely his own. He peered up into Zack's earnest face and a hint of a smile ghosted across his weary features. "I love you too," he whispered.

The End.


End file.
